On Thursday 10 September, Australians will mark R U OK? Day, a national day that encourages all of us to check in with the people around us. It is built on a beautifully simple idea: a genuine conversation can change a life. For older Australians, both as askers and as the ones being asked, the day carries a particular meaning that deserves more than a passing nod.
A day with a simple purpose
R U OK? Day began as a reminder that you do not need to be a counsellor to support someone who is struggling; you just need to notice, ask, and listen. The campaign encourages four steps: ask the question, listen without judgement, encourage action, and check in again later. None of these steps requires special training. They require something rarer: the willingness to slow down and pay real attention to another person.
Why the question matters after 60
Later life brings changes that can quietly wear on a person: retirement, bereavement, health worries, family living far away. Research suggests that meaningful social connection is associated with better mental and physical health in older age, yet many older people are practised at answering fine regardless of how they feel. That polish makes the honest question more important, not less. Often the people best placed to notice a change in an older friend are their peers, the ones who remember how they used to sound.
How to ask, and how to listen
A good check in rarely starts with a clipboard. It starts on a walk, over a cuppa, in the car after bowls. Mention what you have noticed, gently and without accusation: you have seemed a bit quiet since Marie passed, how are you travelling? Then comes the hard part, which is saying nothing and letting them answer properly. Resist the urge to fix, rush or reassure too quickly. If they open up, thank them for trusting you, ask what would help, and suggest a step such as a chat with their GP. And put a note in your diary to ask again next week; the follow up is where the care really shows.
When you are the one who is not OK
Perhaps the braver half of the message is this: if you are the one doing it tough, let someone in. Many of us were raised to keep our troubles private, and pride can make honesty feel like weakness. It is not. Telling a trusted friend, a family member or your GP that you are struggling is a practical, courageous act, and it is usually the moment things begin to improve. If you would rather talk to someone outside your circle, Lifeline is available any hour on 13 11 14, and Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.
Keeping it going all year
The campaign itself is clear that the question belongs to every day, not just the second Thursday of September. A weekly phone call, a regular coffee, a habit of properly asking and properly answering; these small rituals are the real work of connection. If the day prompts one honest conversation that becomes a standing one, it has done its job.
It helps to know the signs that a check in is due. Someone who has stopped coming to the things they used to enjoy, who sounds flat on the phone, who is sleeping poorly or leaning harder on a drink than they used to, or who has recently lost a partner, a pet or their driving licence may be carrying more than they let on. Big life changes are the moments to move towards people, not to give them space by default. You will rarely regret checking in; people almost never mind being cared about.
This R U OK? Day, think of one person you have been meaning to call, and call them. Ask the question as though you mean it, because you do. And if someone asks you, consider giving them the true answer.
Important Note
This article is general information only and is not a substitute for personal medical advice. Please speak with your GP or another qualified health professional about your own situation.